It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
how do flat chested girls get laid?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
