What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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