Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize