you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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