I'm eating all of the evidence.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
