**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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