this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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