My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
