I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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