She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My bed smells like the plague
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