I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
