Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
