maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
