Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
