I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
