why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
