Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
