know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
