Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We need a shit load of segways right now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
