I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
