I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
