I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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