wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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