something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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