Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
