Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
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