i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
