i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize