i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Watching her eat just hurts me
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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