oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
