Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
