Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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