There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
