he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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