OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
