I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
