woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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