guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
