i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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