She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
