Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
