I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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