the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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