I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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