Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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