is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
BRING THE BAGELS
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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