Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
