His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
