the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
