I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
