she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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