someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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