I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
