I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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