need another drink. this is the easiest way
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize