I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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