and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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