bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
