I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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