Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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