the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
