I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
