The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
