Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
