fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
