She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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