I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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