Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
