Already got asked if we're dating
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
