Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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