Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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