he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
